Wednesday, June 30, 2010

7 Stages to Clearing Your Emotions

painting by Norman Rockwell

Most of us do not know how to clear the negative emotions in our bodies. It's a process most of us have never been taught to do. Society doesn't really support us in this work. As a result, when we do try to clear, because we do not know the stages that humans go through in order to release painful emotions, we get stuck. For many of us, this leads to feelings of frustration and so we just give up. But when we give up, we do so at a price. When conflicts remain unresolved, their associated emotions remain, creating energetic imbalances in the body on the physical level that lead to illness. On the mental level, they can create bi-polar disordersand, in some cases, depression. On the emotional level, they lead us to either act out in destructive ways such as raging, or in covert ways, using passive/aggressive behavior. All of these things are destructive to our personal relationship with our Inner Children, not to mention our relationships with others.

The 7 Stages of Emotional Clearing are given as a roadmap to help you navigate the stages of clearing that each person experiences in order to fullyand completely clear negative pain associated with a conflict or other negative event from the body.

The 7 Stages

1. Trigger
2. Identify Trigger through anger
3. Projectionand blaming
4. Expressand release angerand pain
5. Look forand find the mirror
6. Own the mirror
7. Clear the mirror

1. Trigger

A trigger occurs when someone violates a personal boundary or agreement.

2. Identifying the trigger through anger

Once triggered, you react with anger or, if not anger, at least a sense that something is not right.

Note: Many people get stuck here because they have learned to immediately stuff their anger when it occurs. An example would be saying to yourself, “Oh, it’s just not worth getting upset over.”

3. Projectionand Blaming

If you are angry, the next thing you do is blame someone for it. We call this “projecting” because you are putting the blame for your pain on someone else.

Note: Many people project and blame but they don’t go past this pointand express it to the person with whom they are upset.

4. Expressand release anger and pain

This is the step in which you vent your anger toward the accused. Expressing can take various forms depending on the intensity of the violationand trigger. Mild violations may require just speaking up about it. Stronger violations may require speaking upand a few choice cuss words to clear the painand so on.

Note: Most people will stop short of this step because they believe they don’t feel comfortableand/or they don’t have the right to express their anger. In that case, passive/aggressive behavior will ensue because anger must have a release.

5. Look forand find the mirror
Once the anger has been expressed, logic can return. Nowand only now can you begin to look for how you have co-created the situation. Beginning with Steps 1—3 of the Formula of Compassion,you look for the lesson, contractand role that the other person is playing.

Tip: If you are not able to talk with your guides to get the information you need to find the mirror, try starting with Step 4 of the Formula. Ask yourself, “What fear is the other person expressing through their behavior?” Once you figure out what the fear is, you then ask, “What belief is triggering that fear?” By doing this, you are tracing your way back to the belief that is at the root of the behavior. Keep this rule in mind: Beliefs create fears which we then act out through our behavior.

6. Own the mirror

Step 4 of the Formula of Compassionis where you recognize the aspect of you that the other person is reflecting or mirroring back to you. It is always a behavior motivated by fear. At that same moment of recognition, you will also be able to acknowledge that you have done the same thing that you have been judging that person for doing. If you truly see this, the angerand pain will quickly turn to empathyand sadness because you understand, first-hand, the fear that drives you both to that behavior.

Note: You may have already completed this step if you used the tip provided in Stage 5.

7. Clear the mirror

Steps 5-9 of the Formula of Compassion are completed in this stage.

Now that you have found the fear that motivated the behavior, the next step is to ask yourself, “What belief triggered that behavior?” This is usually a core belief such as, “I must be perfect in order to have the right to exist.” Once you find the belief, you now have the gift; the recognition of that beliefand the opportunity to change it.

At this point there is a sudden shift in your body. The empathy and sadness shift to overwhelming appreciationand gratitude for the other person as all anger, pain,and blame are transmuted. In this moment you release the other person totallyand completely. You then apologizeand validate the other person’s pain.

Step 9 of the Formula of Compassion: Your only thought now is how to thank the other person for the gift. You do this by thanking them with a heart full of appreciationand gratitude. They will feel this. Once completed, you have cleared the mirror. The conflict is overand peace, loveand harmony is reestablished. But there is an even greater reward; each party feels a greater degree of trust in the relationship because they know that when conflicts arise, each party will stay to work through the conflictand not run.

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